Humbled . . .

 

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What's up world?!?

I'm just starting to recover as I type this, due to nearly fainting when I discovered that the legendary music journalist/author, Danyel Smith, not only knows who I am but even favorited my profile on About.me.  If you don't know who she is Google or Youtube her right now, or you can simply click to enlarge the above screenshot and read just a few of her many outstanding accomplishments. For those of you that's been following my chronicles here for awhile, you know I wrote a post about how surprised I was when the legendary Michael Narada Walden, showed me love on another profile of mines. The love shown from Danyel Smith here ranks right up there!!!

Now please don't get me wrong. Trust me, I really do appreciate ALL the support, love, and respect that EVERYONE takes the time to show me. It really does keep me going. But when I am acknowledged from the super-stars of the industry like these individuals, it truly is the icing on the cake. The fact that Danyel Smith has contributed in a major way in more ways than one, to all the music publications that I've grown up reading (while wishing I can be in one day), just absolutely thrills me! She has worked with all my heroes and I know she isn't a fan of just anybody plus keeps it real, which is part of the reason why her opinion is valued and so critical in the industry. So the fact that she actually took the time to check me out and liked me, leaves me speechless.

This seems to be happening to me more and more recently. Just when I think no one cares or even appreciates my work, I get pleasant surprises like this. This just confirms that I must be on the right track. I know in my heart and soul when my work is decent enough to share with the rest of you, or I just don't release it. At the same time, I'm still scared to death when I put things out because I don't want to disappoint anyone and I put a lot of pressure on myself to do my best. Also when I mention my musical or literary endeavors to 90% of my family these days, they don't want to know anything about it, no matter what success I could be enjoying. Some of them even change the conversation while I'm in mid sentence or look the other way (seriously). I've learned that a lot of it is jealousy, envy, and a reflection of how they view themselves, which is the last type of energy you want to receive from your loved ones. God forbid I become successful from doing what I absolutely love instead of doing what everyone else is conditioned to settle for in society. I had texted my grandmother recently with the news that I had the first of my releases on iTunes and didn't even get a text back, a congrats or anything. If I texted her that I had a job interview for a corporate entity, I bet everything I own, I would have received a positive text back. Now I'm not the type that needs a pat on the back, but some type of positive encouragement is good for everyone I think, especially from family. So for all my haters, take that, take that, ha ha!

I can give numerous examples about how sharing my ambitions with my family will get a response from them as if I'm sharing my plans for genocide or something hellish. However, I think you guys get the point by now. I just never could understand that they choose not to recognize these obvious abilities that the Divine has given me. I know if I had a son who could do some of the things I could, I would have been his business manager, tour manager, roadie and biggest fan in whatever path he chose to go with it.                                       

Anywayz......

When I get love from notable individuals like Danyel Smith, it trumps any negativity I can receive from anyone and is just a beautiful reminder that my labor of love is not in vain. I guess we truly never know who's watching us. But they are only watching me because of decisions I've made to go and get mines with gifts God gave me. This was very inspiring and motivating. I want to say thanks to everyone out there that's been down with me and loving what I do. I consider the fans my TRUE family, because I get the love and appreciation for being me. Not just my music, poetry or performances, but > > > ME.

Until the next time beautiful people, keep the faith and keep chasing your dreams!

OneLove

D-Natural
Artistic Visionz Productions

Evolving . . . . (Part 2)

Somehow I've managed to navigate the madness of society & a system that we are born into and remain true to myself. I think it has a lot to do with spending the first 15 years of my life, which is only half of my life up until to this point, neglected (other than when I would visit one set of grandparents on the weekends). This is because I was the only son of a single parent who worked all the time and the other half of the time spent it with who would later become my stepfather, who lived on the other side of town. From 3rd grade on ( about 7 years old) I was in charge of getting myself up for school (with my mother acting as an alarm clock phoning from work), feeding myself (sometimes consisting of ordering carryout everyday with money left with me at the beginning of the week), washing my own clothes etc... After school I was immediately to return back to the house where I would remain isolated until the next day. Sometimes I would remain outside and play with my friends, but rarely seeing how I didn't want to disappoint my mother, though she wouldn't had a clue if I did or not. I was just naturally a well disciplined child and advanced for my age. I guess my mother could see this in me, which is why she didn't mind leaving me by myself, but who knows? In this house, all I had was musical instruments (hence the self taught multi-instrumentalist/writer I've become today), music tapes, a variety of pets including a serious bird collection (which I was in charge of caring for) and books/paper. We never had cable so the only TV I would watch most of the time would be the public access channels, though I wasn't allowed to watch TV but once again, it was impossible for her to tell if I did or not. This is where my love for documentaries and knowledge came from I believe. Little did I know back then, that this was not at all an ordinary childhood, which would reveal it's affects positively & negatively in my adult life indefinitely.

I finally got the privilege to move in with my mother who had been primarily living in my future stepfather's house for the past 8 years, when I got to high school. I always could tell he never really wanted me in the picture to begin with but I still belonged to his woman regardless. I think by this point I had become desensitized without really knowing it to the concept of what a family actually is, my connection to other people and my connection to my mother or anyone in my family for that matter. The only true sense of family I had would be the times I spent with my paternal grandparents on those certain weekends (I considered my paternal grandfather a true example of a real man/father) which of course matured me a lot faster being that I was around older people when in their company. I guess you can say I had to grow up really fast, coming out if this environment. Somehow though, from a very young age, I had a very keen awareness that this was preparing me for what I would be doing in my adult life. All the hours/days alone with nothing but instruments, books, and my imagination, cut off from the outside world (accept when in school) would be necessary for my destiny as an independent artist. I can definitely see that now and had it not been for myself growing up that way, I would not be quite as built and equipped to carry out what I am working towards today.

Without going into anymore details of my childhood or past (I'll save that for my biography one day), I've shared that much with you in order to show how I've evolved from that into the eccentric man/musician/artist I am today. As a child and adult, I've been looked at so differently, from both my family and my peers, who I am sure haven't quite experienced life the same as I have or even was aware of the matter. I am an outcast and looked down upon from most of my family who really doesn't know me because I've spent so much of my life isolated from them and still do, only by choice now in my adulthood. I've watched them along with society formulate opinions of me based on what they think they know about me or tell each other. All this has done is strengthened my self awareness and knowledge of how most people operate. It's to the point now where I've developed a sixth sense for other's thoughts/actions/motives concerning myself and I can read people extremely well, thus making me very selective of who I deal with regardless if they are family or not. This has helped me with being able to write poems and songs where I explain what most people are thinking but just don't have the ability to articulate it as well. This is because from the very beginning all I had was myself, my feelings, and the tools around me to express what was happening inside me. It's like I've gotten to know myself so well, I can recognize certain patterns of behavior/characteristics in others which has protected me from getting involved in some bad situations. Perhaps it's an Aquarian thing as well.

The few male friends I have wonder how I can devote ALL my time to my work without chasing as many women as I can prey on along with them. This is not because I don't like dating or hanging out, on occasions I do. I absolutely LOVE women. I am just extremely selective, possibly because of the experiences I've seen with my own parents and various others growing up. I just somehow knew that I wouldn't be of any real value to women, until I understand and love myself first. I would just be wasting their time and they would be definitely wasting mines. I've seen TOO MANY examples of people getting caught up in relationships that they weren't ready for to begin with, because they did not work on themselves enough first. Families like mines put pressure on the younger generations to get married, have kids, keep up with the status quo, get a well paying career (whether if it's what you want to do or not) because it's what they were conditioned to do and I've just instinctively known that wasn't right. My family wonders how I'd rather miss family gatherings so I can stay in my humble little crib and work in my studio. My friends wonder why I'm not into parties or clubs (unless I'm performing) and prefer to be alone, working on my passions. They all wonder how anyone can be so content with being by themselves and not doing what everyone else is doing especially in college!! If you would allow me to personify music for this instance, I would say that music/writing/arts was the only person who kept me company when I was neglected as a child, when I couldn't play with friends, or be around family. Music was just one of the gifts given to me as a reminder of the creative geniuses we are ALL born to be. To this day it is extremely easy to cut any of these people in my life off and focus solely on my work. This is something I am not sorry for. Some may call this being anti-social, I call it focused on what really matters, knowledge of self (God) and using it to benefit my fellow man, regardless of what else or who else I could be doing because it is all I'm striving for.

As I've grown older I've gotten tainted from being in this system/society along with the rest of you, but I can clearly see that being so isolated as a kid in the beginning was actually a gift. It allowed me to develop the perfect genius that we are ALL born with at a very young age, thus defining my life's purpose that I am carrying out today. Now I am not saying that you should neglect your children so that they remain their pure perfect selves, for I do not suggest that. I am only explaining MY experience and how it has made into the man/artist I am right now though most misunderstand me, especially my family. It is not their fault for they do not know my true history or even theirs and I can't blame them for their ignorance. People fear what they do not or don't want to understand.

It is for this reason that I am so appreciative for the ones like you who have supported me and stuck around on this journey I'm on. I'll continue to share more insights as I have done from the very beginning of my chronicles here. Perhaps you might all understand me as well as my evolution just a wee bit better now.

OneLove

D-Natural, Artistic Visionz Productions

Opinion

(this is dedicated to my family)

It is not up to me

to decipher why I’m so indifferently

opposed to how you think I should be

I’m just being me

You haven’t lived my reality

Walked in my shoes

to your feet bruised

with clues of my greatness

living underneath my uniqueness

With that said

your opinion is oblivious

Greet me with smiles

and gestures suggesting

a love or embrace clever

so I never

would think

that behind my back you talk about me like my soul stinks

My soul is the concoction

of life seasoned with experience

past and present

with a certain genius

that skips generations

for those who can carry out certain missions

with the right intentions

I was born with a soul like this

As I grew up in it

I experienced teasing

for the being articulate in meaning

and seeing things differently

yet clinging

to my inner beauty

as if it were

my life preserver

I’ve learned that what people do to you

is a reflection of themselves and not you

how you reflect yourself is

how you honor the you that is true

And yes everyone is entitled to their opinion

but it shall not have dominion

over my existence

Because I exist

to fulfill my soul within

Their perception

is a mixture of half-true facts & curiosity

forming fiction

in their beliefs

But their beliefs

won’t define me

especially

when there weren’t there in lonely

periods

of myself learning my purpose

I’ve learned to let go &

fall deeper in love with myself

while God takes care of the rest

for He knows my heart & that it’s the best

which in me dwells I’ll manifest

wealth when I’ve passed this test

along with not giving into others opinions outside of it

By: D-Natural